I am the biological father of my ex’s 21-year-old daughter. She insists I take this information to my grave

You’re faced with a very hard decision, writes Guardian Australia’s advice columnist, you will need to test the kind of person you feel OK about being

Several years ago I was contacted by an ex girlfriend who informed me I am the biological father of her 21 year old daughter, the middle of her three children. She was my first serious girlfriend but we split up whilst still young. Our paths crossed several years later and we had a brief affair. Unbeknownst to me she became pregnant through this liaison but kept the matter a secret and remained with her husband who unwittingly raised the child as his own.

My ex immediately regretted telling me and insisted I take this information to my grave. Whilst I have respected her wishes, I feel extremely frustrated with the situation and would like to meet and get to know this woman who doesn’t know I exist. I am married (16 years) and have a young daughter of my own. My wife is aware of this situation and fully supportive.

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