I enjoy S&M but my partner is not keen to explore this with me

We have a good relationship and sex life, but he has no interest in this fetish. What should I do?

I’m a 30-year-old man in a two-year relationship with another man who is intelligent, caring and considerate. Our sex life is good, and I still find him sexually attractive. I, however, have a significant interest in S&M, which I have discussed with my partner. We have tried a few things, but I know it is not what he enjoys. Knowing this has meant it isn’t something I feel I can pursue further with him. However, the interest remains and I am increasingly drawn to exploring it with others. Aside from a few messages on online platforms particularly geared towards this sexual fetish, I have not acted upon it. I would not cheat on him in any other context.

I am torn between staying in a relationship with a man who, in many ways, is ideal for me and exploring in secret with other partners (which I would do safely). We have discussed open relationships in principle, but this is not something he would consider.

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