I received a misdirected message that will devastate my wife. Can I skip telling her some parts?

A secret has been lobbed into your lap, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. While you can decide what to do with the information, it won’t change the facts

My wife (54) and her mother (76) have had a difficult relationship since she was 13 and her stepfather moved in. Suddenly her husband, a stranger to my wife, was number one and set new rules for the child, like no more cuddling and breakfast in pyjamas on Saturday mornings. The loving relationship between my wife and her mother suddenly ended.

I’ve known my wife for 10 years now and have met her mother twice. Her new husband made clear that he didn’t want to meet his stepdaughter’s new partner and she basically thinks the same. They both emphasise that they are not homophobic and that they love their (step)daughter. Since then I have witnessed my wife fighting for her mother’s love. Her mother’s view is different. She says that my wife suddenly stopped being nice and that she rejects her. She often says that her daughter was the best thing that happened to her. But then she lists all the things she couldn’t do in life because of her.

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