I’m 25 and won’t have sex until I’m married. Why can’t I get a man?

I like kissing and cuddling, but when I tell boyfriends I want to wait before taking things further … that’s the last I see of them

I am a 25-year-old woman and have never had sex, as I always wanted to wait until marriage. I have had two short-term boyfriends, but the relationships never went further because I wanted to wait. I explained to them that I found them really attractive and liked cuddling and kissing but neither of them was satisfied with that. They became distant. They seemed to think I wasn’t interested in them (which was not the case – I really loved them). I showed my love in every possible way besides sex. I’m sad and frustrated that I can’t meet a guy who will accept me. The response to my wanting to wait is always rejection. Is my behaviour normal? I wish I could meet a kind guy, who loves me no matter if we have sex or not, with no pressure for me to “perform”.

There are many people in the world who have the same values as you do about sex before marriage, but you will have to seek them out in places where you are most likely to find them. If you continue to expect men generally to comply with your wish to wait, you are bound to be disappointed.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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