My ex-boyfriend accused me of putting him under pressure – am I a sex pest?

During a brief relationship, we went to bed together but he said he wanted to put off having sex for fear of STIs. After we broke up, he said I had pressured him

I am a 24-year-old woman and was recently in an eight-week relationship with a 23-year-old man. He ended the relationship, but a few days later we drunkenly bumped into one another and he accused me of pressuring him into sex. I was horrified.

For the first few weeks we didn’t have sex, but he slept in my bed: he hadn’t had an STI test for a while and didn’t want to take any risks. A few days later, we ordered sexual health kits. While we were waiting for the results we were kissing in bed. He said, “I wish I could be inside you,” and I said, “I’m literally naked and begging for it.” This was the incident that he found pressurising.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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