My wife works an impossible job with ridiculous hours. Home life is intolerable. What can I do? | Leading questions

Communicate your concern, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, but ensure you’re on her side as you do so

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My wife works for a large university in an administrative role. Over the past five years or so her responsibilities have grown and her staff team has shrunk to a point where it is clearly impossible for her to do the work required.

She works ridiculous hours in an attempt to achieve the impossible – which she can’t, which makes her miserable, stressed and bad-tempered. I love her deeply and I hate to see her so unhappy, but life with someone who alternates between snappy and tearful is awful, and her absolute refusal to do anything – flag the situation she’s in, see a doctor, anything – to improve things is deeply frustrating.

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