Sexual Healing: My wife and I haven’t had sex for years. How can I boost my libido?

Doctors tell me I’m hormonal or menopausal. Should I be looking elsewhere for help?

I am a 57-year-old lesbian and I have no sex drive. These are hard words to write, but my wife and I have not been intimate in years. She loves me and I do love her, but I suspect that over the years she got tired of initiating, and me either acquiescing out of obligation or turning her down. I want to be normal but don’t feel as if I am. Doctors dismiss me as either hormonal or menopausal. What should I do? What type of specialist can help me?

People living with such sadness and quiet desperation about their sexual functioning or lack of it should never be dismissed. Unfortunately, I often hear that they are. You deserve to be helped, so seek a well-qualified, knowledgable sex therapist or practitioner of psychosexual medicine.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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