What do I say to my estranged daughter after years apart? | Ask Philippa

Try to imagine events through her eyes. If you hold on to your position, believing her to be selfish, nothing will change

The question My youngest daughter has ignored me since I divorced her mother some years ago. She didn’t even visit when I suffered from cancer and had chemotherapy. When she got married, my partner and I were not allowed to attend. I’ve never met her child, yet her husband’s father, who is in the same situation as me, widowed with a new partner, is allowed to visit and see my grandchild. I also have a married son with children and they all are fine with me and my partner.

Now, before my elderly mother’s birthday, she says I can visit her so that the party won’t be the first time we meet again. I can’t get over the fact that she has been so selfish and ignored me for years, even when I was so ill with cancer. I’m livid that I’ve been treated this way. I don’t know what to say if I visit her.

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